~ Memories ~

Mam and Dad, my brother and me @ 1961

She was so beautiful.

My chickens used to come in for  a visit. 1991

Mama cat ~ Peaches, being cwtched into by her two daughters,

Puddy Cat and Smartie Pants

Three beautiful cats and a Kitten. My lovely Reliant Kitten car. 

I wish I had kept it.

My gorgeous Bohemian Man. Christmas Day 1992

Our Wedding Day 1st July 1993...as I wrote elsewhere:

What a fantastic day that was. Rode to Cardigan on the motorbike, carrying our trilby hats in a bag on my back. I was hugely pregnant and we giggled all the way through the ceremony....scandalising the registrar and his assistants :~) Our 'reception' was, seven of us descending onto Cardigan Arms chippy for whatever and chips. More giggles and lots of laughter, and we haven't stopped laughing together since. Best thing I've ever done. Most years, we manage to go back to the chip shop on our wedding anniversary.

I loved being pregnant....every moment and new development was a wonder~full experience.

and I really did get huge!

We compromised when it came to the birth, as the hospital was so far away. I had a fantastic labour....five hours from waters breaking to birth. Two hours to get to the hospital, and three hours in a birthing pool with midwives and nurses that were willing for me to have essential oils vaporizing in the room, and for My Man to be in the pool with me. I spent the whole time on all fours, draped across his knees, and having my back massaged at intervals. After the birth though, I got into trouble and had to be whisked to theatre, so, I was very glad that we had chosen to be in the hospital.

 

One of the very best feelings as a mother

Our first home together was my large static caravan. Immediately 

after Our Boy was born,I returned to studying massage. I had a college certificate from a couple of years before and had tried to 

study for my recognised International Certificate, (ITEC), while I was pregnant, but my brain turned to mush! The couch you see here, (below), is the vintage doctor's couch I used while training. I used to practice on six people a week in that tiny space....not including extra sessions for My Man, and baby massage for Our Boy :~) We'd installed a Rayburn stove and it was always toasty warm.

Our Boy being introduced to his first typewriter. 

We have lived in many places where a sink 

was used for a bath

This one, (below), was in a single room we lived in for one and a half years.

It was large and had a Rayburn stove, (how we love those), which gave us our source of heat, hot water, and cooking. We had been

living in our camper van,(Betty Ford),

for the previous eighteen months, so were used to an even smaller space. 

The second hand bookshop we used to have as a business in

Cardigan,and where I had a therapy room for giving treatments. We had a bookstall in the market too, where we had an honesty box. 

He has inherited our great love of books.

 

Motorbike love....

If you visit here Jude, look at how my jacket pocket looks like an eye :~)

Twenty Five Years

Mum with me, (right) and our friend Nic, (centre) on the ramp

of our horse-box in a local horse show. Summer 1976

originally uploaded by stitch witch.

My mother passed away 25 years ago today. She was only 54 years old. It was very quick. She complained of an aching in her abdomen in October 1984, but did not go to a doctor until January 1985. It took another three months for them to diagnose cancer of the stomach along with the cruel, heartbreaking news that there was nothing they could do for her. I had been planning to get married to my first husband in August, but we were advised to bring the wedding forward, and so I had my mum at my wedding on a hot, bright, sun-filled first day of June. She wore a wig, for they had decided to try chemotherapy, and she had, as happens to many, lost her beautiful hair. This did not detract from her incredible sense of style. She was slim and smart and I was so very proud of her.
It became obvious that she had held herself together for that day, for very soon afterwards she was too weak to rise from her bed. I was living sixty miles away at the time, but had a very kind and understanding boss who arranged for a leave of absence so I could go and stay at home with my parents and help my father nurse my beloved mother for the last days of her life.
It was harrowing, heartrending, unreal. I felt terribly helpless. I could not take away her pain, and though I refused to cry when I was with her, I would reach half way down the stairs and completely fall apart. For here was my rock, my pillar of strength, my comfort. The one person in my world who knew me and understood me, who heard me and saw me, knew all my secrets and embarrassments and loved me anyway, and here she was, suffering, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could not make it right for her as she had done for me, so many times I lost count.
Nurses joined us daily, administrating morphine and quiet, efficient kindness. They were women who had known my mother for years and felt their own sorrow for such a good life taken so young.
On the last day, she slipped into a coma, and I sat by her side stroking her hand - she had beautiful hands - and telling her how much I loved her.
She slipped from us on July 11th at 4:40 am. My father was with her, and I was awake when he softly called to tell me she had gone.
I was 24.
From this year on, I have lived longer without her in my life than with. I still miss her (so much) now as I did then.

I miss the laughter we shared.

I miss sweeping her up in my arms and twirling her around...she was small and light...I was small and strong! She would squeal with laughter and beg me to put her down.

I miss the mini road-trips to beautiful places....listening to Neil Diamond on the car tape-deck and singing along.

I miss our hugs.
I miss our talks.

I miss her beautiful face.

I miss her total and unconditional love.
I miss that she never knew my son.

I miss her so wise councel.

I miss her.


Mum as a young woman ~



I love that she had a wild side ~



as a young mother with my older brother ~



'Rwy'n cari ti mam ~ I love you mum